Monday, November 30, 2009

Activity Accountability

Well, it's day two of my activit accountability and I'm doing pretty good I think. Here's the grid for last night at the gym and today's activities.

Date Nov 29th
Activity Gym E&SC
Duration 45min 35 sec
Time in Zone 43min 35sec
Avg Heart Rate 133bpm
Max Heart Rate 151bpm
Calories 267 cal

Date Nov 30th
Activity Gym SC&SB
Duration 57min 58 sec
Time in Zone 46min 45 sec
Avg Heart Rate 124bpm
Max Heart Rate 154bpm
Calories 286 cal

Date Nov 30th
Activity Dog Walk/Jog
Duration 25min 10sec
Time in Zone 13min 37 sec
Avg Heart Rate 122 bpm
Max Heart Rate 207 bpm
Calories 146 cal

Not a bad total for excercise in two days. I'll be doing a weekly accountability chart every Saturday night, showing my weekly progress.

Sunday, November 29, 2009


as defined by the Oxford Dictionary of Current English.
1. responsible; required to account for one's conduct. 2. explicable, understandable.

I had a few rough days last week, I made some poor choices that were reflected in my weigh in yesterday. It's time that I knock off my whining and get on with it. On reflection, I started this blog so that I would be accountable for my weight loss, the good days and the bad days. I've also decided that I need to be accountable for my exercise.

I took days off at the gym last week, not a big deal, I got right back on track and worked out. BUT did I work out as hard as I should have? I know that when I went to the gym yesterday I was feeling out of sorts. I was annoyed with myself and to be perfectly honest I wasn't in the mood or the right frame of mind to work out but I "Made" myself go to the gym. I put in a really half-hearted effort. I know I did. I wasn't sweating, I wasn't huffing and puffing, I was on the stair climber going through the motions but I wasn't "Working" at it. This was also reflected in my heart rate. Every time I looked at my hear rate monitor I was at 115-125, which is indeed perfectly acceptable, it's in the target heart range, but when you're used to seeing your average heart rate in the high 130's, to have an average heart rate of 118, means I wasn't really working at it.

I need to be accountable for my work outs, so, I'm going to start tracking them on here for the whole world to see. This was, you can see how hard I was working, really see how hard I was working.

So, let's start. It's 10:02 am, and I've taken the dog for his morning walk, we walked a little over 2.3 km's. I did do a little bit of jogging, I would jog from one lamp post to the next, walk for two lamp posts and repeat. UNTIL we started going up the hill. I'm glad to say that I'm not huffing and puffing to get up the hill like I was six months ago. I didn't have to stop to catch my breath, I just walked at a quick pace with the dog.

So, today's activity accountability chart, looks like this:

Date 29-Nov
Activity Dog Walk
Duration 28min 33 sec
Time in Zone 23min 15 sec
Avg Heart Rate 129
Max Heart Rate 150
Calories 157

I'll be back to add more later. I'll be going to the gym while my husband watches the Grey cup. Until then...have a great day!

Saturday, November 28, 2009


as defined by the Oxford Dictionary of Current English. to fulfil the desire or expectation of, 2. frustrate. adj. disappointed.

I am disappointed. I really and truly am. I went to my weigh in this morning and here's the thing. If I was on the "Biggest Loser", I would have stayed the same, but because I'm on Weight Watchers, and we measure pounds and ounces, I gained 6 ounces.

Now, to be fair, I know, its only six ounces, it could have been water retention, it could have been this, it could have been that. The plain spoken truth is I, yes I made poor choices.

Therefore I am disappointed in myself. I have no one else to blame. There wasn't any one making me order what I ordered at Restaurants this week. It wasn't like there was a gym guru telling me I wasn't allowed in the gym on Tuesday and Wednesday. I made those choices.

Turned out they were bad choices. BUT...I have changed! The old Katie would have used the slight gain today as a reason to splurge. See I can work so hard and not lose anything...blah...blah...blah. The NEW Katie, or I should say the IMPROVED Katie, has said, all right then, you got lax, you didn't follow program and you got what you deserved. NOW get off your duff, get with the program and smarten up.

Thus I have. I have eaten really well today, I went to the gym, albeit for only 40 minutes, but, I did go. I may go again this evening. I'm toying with the idea, we'll have to wait and see how the evening progresses.

So yes, I'm disappointed in myself for not sticking to program and making poor choices. But I'm not disappointed in how I'm handling the slight gain, this weeks gain, means a bigger loss next week. I will persevere.

Friday, November 27, 2009


as defined by the Oxford Dictionary of Current English:
1.Deliberate damage to productive capacity, exp as a political act. 2, destroy, spoil.

I have weigh in tomorrow morning, I've had four really good weeks of losses, I was feeling confidant. Now, I think I may have sabotaged myself. I purposely didn't go to the gym on Tuesday night. I was tired and I decided I could pass on Tuesday, I had gone to the gym every day for a week prior to that. Everyone needs a rest day now and then. However, on Wednesday, I had a hard day at work, wasn't in the mood to cook so suggested to dear Husband that we go out for dinner. We did, we went to Milestones, which I thought would be a good choice. I chose the Mediterranean Chicken. It's a chicken breast served with Goat's cheese and vegetables. Not bad sounding. I got my meal and the chicken was smothered, and I mean SMOTHERED with cheese. I scraped the majority of it off, and ate my chicken breast and veggies, which were chickpeas and I believe it was bok choy. However there was a vinaigrette type sauce on it. Turns out...not such a good choice 680 Calories, 31!!! Grams of fat, and 6 grams of fibre. Now I took off about 15 of those fat grams as I scraped off the cheese and didn't eat it but still! HOLY COW!!! Needless to say, after our late dinner I didn't go to the gym.

Thursday dawned and I went to the gym, great choice, worked out hard for 90 minutes, Elliptical on Hill Plus level 7 for an hour, 30minutes on the stair climber. Thursday I was doing great, eating right, feeling good. Thursday night comes along, I'm bored, I'm home alone. So what do I do? I pop a bag of smart pop popcorn. Not a bad choice, we're still doing all right, until I melted butter and poured it over top. Yep, stop me now right!?!

Friday....I go to get my hair permed, a friend of mine works in a salon in Burnaby, we go for lunch at Red Robin. I look through the menu, I discard the burgers, the wraps and the Clucks and greens. Instead, I again think I make a right choice by selecting their grilled Ciabatta Chicken Sandwich with a side salad, very light pesto, no mayo. Get home this afternoon, look up the points. Yep...not a good choice for me here either. 876 Calories, 54!!!!!!! Grams of fat, and 4 Grams of Fibre. Now, keeping in mind that I took some things off...this was still a BAD choice.

I did go to the gym tonight, worked hard for 45 minutes on the elliptical, 30 minutes of weight training and 15 minutes on the stair climber.

Still I worry about tomorrow and how it is that when I'm doing well, I do end up sabotaging myself.

Monday, November 23, 2009

The Battle Rages on....

I'm not talking about my battle with weight loss. Today I'm talking about my other passion. My drive to help find a cure for cancer. Those who know me personally know how strongly I feel about this horrid, horrid disease. There is too much of it and I know two beautiful wonderful ladies who are currently in the fight for their lives. They aren't the first I've known, but they are the ones that I'm trying to help now.

You see a few years ago, I didn't think that much about Cancer, nor it's effects. It was something that was removed from me and mine and that was fine. All that changed almost two years ago when a dear friend lost her mother to Cancer. It was the fourth time that year that someone I knew had lost a loved one and that was when I decided that I had to do something. I had to help, no matter what it was, I HAD to help! That was when I got involved in the Weekend to End Breast cancer. To read about that experience go to There you will find my blog as I worked and trained in preparation for the 60km 2 day walk to end Breast Cancer.

Fast forward 18 months and through the magic of the Internet I met up with one of my old high school friends, I was excited to catch up with her and in turn devastated to know that she had been fighting cancer for the past several years. Her form of cancer is incurable. She takes weekly Chemo treatments to keep the cancer in check, without them she would only have a matter of months to live. Despite that, she is one of the greatest people to be around. She's always happy, cheerful and has nothing but good things to say. I love spending time with her and that's why this year I'm forming a team for the Relay for Life. It's a relay where you and your team walk through the night to raise funds for the Canadian Cancer Society. Our team here in Abbotsford is called Barb's Buccaneer's. Barb is the dear friend who introduced me last year to Relay. It was too late then for me to get a team together and get fundraising done. But this year the call is going out. We need ten team members for the relay Barb is going to be walking with us through the night. I would love to have a great big huge team. So please, think about it. If you're in the Abbotsford BC area, go to select join a team, and look for Barb's Buccaneer's. We would love to have you!!! As an added bonus, right now, you can register for the Relay for only 10.00!!!! That's less than half the usually registration fee. That's just two coffee's at Starbucks! Think about it, join us, or join a Relay for Life team in your area. You'll feel better doing it!!

Button up Pants!

I can now wear Button and Zipper pants without any elastic!!! How flipping cool is that. I have only worn pull on pants for as long as I can remember. I think I may have been in my early twenties the last time I wore jeans, but holy smokes I'm wearing a pair of Black pants that have no elastic, no spandex material, but an honest to goodness button and zipper closure. I was so excited about this when I tried them on Saturday! I bought them ages ago (2005ish?) and there they hung in my closet unworn as they were way too tight and they just looked dreadful, or so I thought. I work my new pants out with my friends on saturday and then I wore them yesterday afternoon when my husband and I went to see Blind Side. (An excellent movie by the way, I would highly recommend it!)

It is just so amazing that little things can make me this happy!

I guess I now have to buy a new skinny skirt and new zip up pants!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Successful Day!

Yes, I had a successful day yesterday. Started out with a great weigh in, got all the chores done and then it was "Girl" time. I went to the Christmas Craft Fair with two friends, we walked around the exhibits twice, bought some things, we had a lot of fun. I was very proud of myself for what I didn't buy. I didn't purchase the Fudge, the Jams, the Jellies, the Candies, the Chocolates. None of it. I didn't even sample any of it at all! I was so pleased, in the past I probably would have purchased and sampled my way around and this time I didn't. YEAH! I was very happy with that. Then it was back to our house for dinner. When we got back to the house we were all straving, dinner would be a while as I had to soak the basmati rice. Instead of going for chips etc. I cut up veggies for us and we had a great veggie platter to eat as an appetizer. Dinner was Fajita's with spanish rice, followed by Jello Nonfat Butterscotch pudding. This was followed a while later with some popcorn for watching during the movie.

I had been worried that the day would be a bit of a challege ,but I made it through with flying colors. I had acocunted for my points yesterday morning, carefully planning what I would have and how many points I could use for each meal. I was worried that I would overindulge and go over my points, but I did really well. I even counted the couple of nibbles of cheese I had while I was shredding the cheese up for the fajitas.

It was a sucessful day, and now I know, that I can have my girls nights without having to worry so much about losing control. Now I just have to plan the next one!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Weigh in day.

Good Saturday morning! It was weigh in morning this morning. There's something about weighing in on a Saturday morning at 8am that just starts your day off right. I think it's because I lost another 2.4 pounds for a total loss in five weeks of 15.4pounds!

~~~~~~~~Happy Dance, Happy Dance, Happy Dance~~~~~~~

It just totally made my morning, from weigh in I went and did my saturday errands which included Safeway, Mad Butcher, Costco and Petsmart. When I got home, instead of trying to haul all of the bags up the stairs at once as I usually do, I took one bag at a time. One bag and I ran up and down the stairs, easier than it sounds but when you have a cat and dog who want to get in on the action it makes it a little interesting. However, ten trips later dodging the cat and running around the dog, I had all the bags of groceries upstairs.

It's amazing how much easier things become. When we first moved into the house two years ago, I would never have considered running up and down the stairs once, let alone ten times! It makes you feel good when you start to do things you never could have done!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Great Day!

I had a great day! I worked the late shift at work today, which means I worked from 1-9pm. This morning was fabulous. I took the dog for a walk and then headed to the gym. 30minutes on the Elliptical, Level 6(I do the hill climb so it starts at six and goes as high as 17) It was awesome. Then I did my weights. The full meal deal, squats, lunges, triceps, lat pull downs, staight arm pull downs, bosu curl ups, hammer pivots, cross arm lifts, plank, superman, cross knee crunches, ball crunches, sliders, Pec fly crunch, all of them three times, then I did 30minutes on the stair climber, started today on level 6 for about 15 minutes and then boosted it up to level 8. When I was done ten minutes shy of 2 hours in the gym, I hustled home and got ready for work. My work day went awesome. Not only did I make a nice big sale but I didn't get hungry. Not at all. Usually on a night shift I'll start to get nibbly, but that wasn't the case tonight, mind you, I did drink 4 16oz bottles of water during work today, so that may help.

Tomorrow is my weigh in day. I'm looking forward to it and I'm hoping for a really good number this week. I went to the gym 6 out of 7 days. Not too bad if I may say so myself.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

I Did it!

I went to the gym this morning at 6am. I must be crazy! I had planned last night that if I was up I would TRY to go to the gym. When I first woke up, I thought, no, I don't want to. Mind you when I first woke up it was before 530am, after the dog jumped on the bed and cuddled for a few minutes he needed out, so up I got and took him out the back for his morning business. I came back in and was about to climb back into bed when I decided, what's the point? I'm not going to go back to sleep, my husband has to get up in a few minutes and that means I'll spend the next two and a half hours sitting on the couch before I have to go to work.

Instead I got washed, dressed, kissed my husband good bye and headed to the gym. I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to do when I got there but I figured it would come to me. Well, it turns out at my gym, the ladies only section is much busier in the mornings then it is in the afternoons. Besides two treadmills, the only other cardio machine available was the Stair Stepper machine. Now I didn't feel like walking, I don't really enjoy walking on the treadmill, not sure why I don't but that's the way it is. Instead, I stood at the stair climber, psyched myself up, climed on and started climbing. I did great!!! I set it up for 45 minutes at level 3 to start, moved it up to level 4, then level 5 and by the time I was done I was at level 6. Level 6!!! for 45 minutes!!! The first time I climbed onto that little machine about 9 months ago, I couldn't even do 5 minutes on level 1. Look at me go!!!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

On the Road again...

..well not literally, but I was back at the gym today. My husband and I headed up after dinner to put in a cardio work out. 45minutes on the Elliptical today for a total of 3.4 miles. YAHOO!

I get so excited when I see the mileage creeping up on the machines that I'm on. It give me such a sense of accomplishment. I guess it's because when I take the dog for a walk, it's not just full steam ahead. I have to go his pace, let him do his doggy business, say hi to the other dogs, sniff around etc, that a 1km walk will take 15 minutes or so.

Today I did pretty good. I went knowing that I was just going to be doing cardio today, my hands are still too sore to be of much use so doing weights today was out. I'm hoping that my medication will have kicked back in by tomorrow and I'll be able to do weights and my version of a 'Last Chance Workout' on friday before Saturday mornings' weigh in.

I feel good having gone to the gym, I also have points left over for the day as well, so instead of popping popcorn once again, I stopped by starbucks on my way home and used my points there on a tall 1/4 sweet, non fat, no whip, peppermint white chocolate mocha. It was very yummy and used up 5 points.

I won't be going to the gym tomorrow as I'm doing a girls night with my sister, my mom and some mutual friends, we're going for dinner and then to see a theatre production of Pride and Prejudice. I'm quite excited about it and I already have my day and my meals planned out for tomorrow. It's going to be a great day!


as defined by the Oxford Dictionary of Current English, 3, causing a feeling of guilt, 4 having commit ed a specific offense.

I was feeling guilty tonight. I haven't done anything wrong, but I didn't go to the gym. I probably should have, I most certainly could have but I didn't. I did NOT go to the gym. I didn't go intentionally. I was sore, and tired, and I chose not to go to the gym. Instead one of my friends came over talk and to watch the Biggest Loser with me. I thoroughly enjoyed having her over, I enjoyed watching the show with someone who enjoys the show. We laughed, we talked, we had a good time. The whole time though there was this little voice in the back of my mind saying,'you should be at the gym', 'you didn't go to the gym.','why aren't you at the gym'.

I was feeling guilty, simply because I made a decision not to go to the gym. I fully realize that I have nothing to feel guilty about. I've gone to the gym at least 6 times in the past week. I know that I don't have to go to the gym every single day of the week. I know that it is perfectly fine not to go to the gym all the time.

It's funny how when we're losing weight that we do this to ourselves. You skip going the gym once and you feel bad. You eat something that you really shouldn't and you feel bad about it and then we punish ourselves. We let the guilt for having done or not having done something take over, and we make ourselves feel bad, sometimes we punish ourselves for it.

Tonight is different though, in the grand scheme of things, yes I didn't go to the gym, I feel bad about it. It's not that big of a deal though. I'll go tomorrow and I'll enjoy it, or at least I'll tell myself I'm enjoying it.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Skinny Clothes

...we all have them, whether it be a pair of jeans, a dress, a skirt, each and every one of us have our "Skinny Clothes". The clothes that are just that little bit too snug when they were purchased, couldn't quite do up the zipper but we wanted them just that much. When you do wear them and they fit you feel as though you could conquer the world. You know what I'm talking about right????

Well, I have a skinny skirt. I bought it many, many, many years ago, it's a classic pencil skirt, a cute little slit on the back, no waistband and zips up on the side with an eye and hook to keep it all together. When I bought it, it didn't fit, I knew it didn't fit but it was on clearance, I loved the color and I wanted it. So I bought it. When I was first losing weight back in 2005, before I had my car accident I was able to wear my skinny skirt a couple of times. I was thrilled then and very proud to be able to wear my skinny skirt. Which by the way is a size 24. Now I realize, that isn't a lot of people's idea of a skinny skirt, but when you usually by the elastic waistband, yards of material, a size 24 pencil skirt is your skinny skirt!!

Since January, every once in a while, I'll pull out the skinny skirt and see how we are doing. I have to admit, when I pulled it out of the closet Monday morning, I didn't have a lot of high hopes for it. However, I slipped it on(notice I said slipped, there was no pulling, tugging or jumping up and down!), did up the hook and eye and zipped it up. I stood on my tippy toes to look in the bathroom mirror to see how it looked, then went through to my husband's office to see what he thought. He said it looked good, it wasn't too tight, there were no bulges or tight seams. So, I wore my skinny skirt to work.

Yes indeed. I wore my skinny skirt, and I'm proud of it, one more goal accomplished!

Now, I have to go shopping (insert evil laugh here) and get myself another skinny skirt, maybe, just maybe this time I'll buy it in a regular department store!

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Setting Goals

Have you ever sat down with a notepad and pen and thought,'I need to set some goals.'? I am a goal setter. I readily admit it. I set a goal, I envision what I have to do to reach that goal, I work out my plan and start working towards it. This doesn't mean that I always reach my goals mind you. Sometimes I realize they aren't viable for me at that particular point in time, or they don't make sense or they are just all together are unrealistic.

However...when someone tries to tell me I can't do something, that I can't reach my goals, that it isn't attainable, well they don't know what they are talking about. Take for example the first year I did the Weekend to End Breast Cancer. It is a 60km walk through the streets of Vancouver. I signed up for the walk in January of 2008, shortly after learning that one of my best friends mom had been diagnosed with Cancer yet again and had only weeks to live. I decided then and there, at that moment that I had to do something about cancer, not just Breast Cancer, but all Cancers. In the middle of the night, too upset for my friend to sleep I saw the commercial for the Weekend to End Breast cancer, I came through to the computer and immediately signed up for it.

When my husband got up the next morning, I told him what I was doing and he gave me his total support, whatever I needed him to do to help me he would do. It was great, but there were others who told me I COULDN'T do it. I was too heavy, I was too out of shape, I would hurt my knee's, my ankles, on and on the list went. Every time one of those people told me I couldn't do it, I trained harder, walked further to build up my endurance and I DID IT!! I did it not just in 2008, but I did it this year as well, and I've already signed up for next year. I put my training plan in place, I trained for it and I succeeded.

I've come to realize that my weight loss is just like that. I want to lose weight. Great, but HOW am I going to do it? I didn't have a plan, I had a goal, Yes, I want to lose a hundred pounds. A huge amount when I think of it like that but that's what I HAVE to do. So how am I going to do it? Now that I've set my goal, I have to set out my plan, and I have to have mini goals along the way. I started out having a rough day today, I woke up hungry and craving chocolate, the craving bugged me all morning and into the afternoon. I finally satisfied the craving, not the way I once would have by going to the store and buying two or three chocolate bars and eating them. I went for coffee with my husband, we bought an oat fudge bar and split it between us. I knew going in what I was going to do, I had a plan, and that kept me on goal for today. Today's goal was to stay within my regular points allowance, I didn't want to go over and have to use some AP's or Flex points. I wanted to stay on plan, that was the goal for today.

The goal for tomorrow, is the same, stay on plan and go to the gym, spend an hour exercising.

The goal for next week, to lose two pounds at weigh in.

The goal for next month, to reach my 5% of me lost goal.

The goal for January, to start training for my walk, and my run. Yes my run, I've set a goal for myself. I'm going to actually RUN the CIBC Run for the cure next year. All 5km's of it. This year I walked it with some very special ladies. Next year, I want to run it.

For me, it's all about setting goals, and planning for achieving those goals. One day at a time will soon add up to a month at a time. It's not that hard when you break it down that way. At least I'm hoping it won't be as hard.


I had to change my weigh in day this week from Thursday night to Saturday morning. I have a few work shifts at night coming up and I'll be missing my weigh in so I think I'm going to make the move to Saturday mornings. I went to my first Saturday morning weigh in at 8am yesterday and found success. I was down 2.8lbs. That's a total of 13.1 pounds in four weeks. That's a pretty good average.

I felt good about my weigh in all day, it carried me through the weekly chores of grocery shopping,etc.

My husband and I decided to go for lunch at Tim Horton's. It is a little over a kilometre away, we drove down, I ordered the mushroom soup and I only ate half of it. That was enough, I was satisfied. Then I made the decision to walk home. It only took 14 minutes, and I once again made it up the hill without huffing and puffing along. I was happy, happy, happy.

After dinner, I made myself go to the gym. I really didn't want to but I did it! I did my 45 minutes on the Elliptical and then moved over to the treadmill where I am trying to learn how to run. Now, I realize so some people that may sound funny. Learn to run? What's to learn, you just run. But Trust me, when you have very rarely run in your life, you have to learn how to do it properly. Especially when you are my size. I had a trainer a few years ago, before I had my car accident who had put together a learn to run program for me. I pulled it out this week and looked through it and started at it.

I walked for the first minute, ran for 30 seconds, walked for a minute to recover, ran for 45 seconds, walked for a minute and a half, ran for 1 minute, walked for 2 minutes. You get the idea. I'm not ready for a race yet, I'm fairly certain it would make me keel over. However, I'm proud of what I accomplished today.

Friday, November 13, 2009


as defined by the same dictionary, as before, obviously the only dictionary I have LOL;-)
1a. act of choosing, b. thing or person chosen, 2. range from which to choose, 3. power of opportunity to choose.

The power of opportunity to! What a clear message, the POWER of OPPORTUNITY to CHOOSE.  I have the power to choose the right thing.  I have the power to choose the wrong thing.  That's a pretty heavy concept.  I have the opportunity to choose the right or wrong thing.

I think for a huge part of my life, I did choose the wrong thing.  A lot of time I did choose the right thing.  Right now, today, yesterday and tomorrow, I'm choosing to do the right thing for me.
It doens't matter that I am choosing the proper food to eat, choosing to go to the gym or stay at home.  I have the power over what I choose to do. 

I chose to go to the gym tonight,I was tired, I didn't really feel like going.  I could have stayed home, watched tv, a movie, or read a book, but I made the choice to go to the gym.  I feel better for it, I moved this tired body of mine around for almost two hours.  I did 30 minutes on the Elliptical, I did 15 minutes on the Stairclimber, I did 45 minutes of weights and finished up with 15 minutes on the treadmill.  The choice I made today, will affect my tomorrow. 

I'm glad I got active today, because I want to choose the better tomorrow!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Rememberance Day

Those who know me personally know that I have family members, and friends in various military branches in both the UK and here at home.  This poem always brings me to tears, especially when I think of those who have the job that Gary and Daniel currently have that others I know have had in the past.  Please take a moment today to reflect on those who have lost their lives, loved ones, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, cousin, mother or father to give us the life we live.


The soldier stood and faced God,

Which must always come to pass.

He hoped his shoes were shining,

Just as brightly as his brass.

'Step forward now, you soldier,

How shall I deal with you ?

Have you always turned the other cheek ?

To My Church have you been true?'

The soldier squared his shoulders and said,

'No, Lord, I guess I ain't.

Because those of us who carry guns,

Can't always be a saint.

I've had to work most Sundays,

And at times my talk was tough.

And sometimes I've been violent,

Because the world is awfully rough.

But, I never took a penny,

That wasn't mine to keep...

Though I worked a lot of overtime,

When the bills got just too steep.

And I never passed a cry for help,

Though at times I shook with fear.

And sometimes, God, forgive me,

I've wept unmanly tears.

I know I don't deserve a place,

Among the people here.

They never wanted me around,

Except to calm their fears.

If you've a place for me here, Lord,

It needn't be so grand.

I never expected or had too much,

But if you don't, I'll understand.

There was a silence all around the throne,

Where the saints had often trod.

As the soldier waited quietly,

For the judgment of his God.

'Step forward now, you soldier,

You've borne your burdens well.

Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets,

You've done your time in Hell.'

Author Unknown~

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


as defined by the Oxford dictionary of Current English.
1. of or epressing emotions. 2 especially liable to emotion.  3 arousing emotion.

I have been emotional today.  Actually that's an understatement!  I HAVE BEEN EXTREMELY EMOTIONAL today.  That's better.  Let us be honest. I've been a raging hormonal emotional basketcase for most of the day.  Started crying this morning for no real good reason, this gave me a headache which made me miserable.  HOWEVER...I did succeed.  I did not give in as I once (in the not so distant past) would have done.  I didn't cry into a Venti- Extra Hot- Peppermint- White Chocolate Mocha with extra whip.  No, I did not.  Instead, I opted for a Tall Earl Grey tea, with a splenda in it.  I did not reach for chocolate or chips, or a hamburger or french fries or any of the other bad foods I would have chosen.  Instead, I made myself a good, well balanced lunch, Salad, cottage cheese, fruit cup, pear, and WW cheese twists.  I ate my lunch slowly through the day, one item at a time over the course of a couple of hours.  

When I got home from work I made a nice healthy dinner for my husband and I, then I met my brother for coffee, where I once again, forfeited my once upon a time Ambrosia for my soul White Chocolate Mocha, for a tall Earl Grey tea with a splenda.  Then...then, I the queen of excuses, the person who had a rough day, didn't want to do it but had to go anyway...I went to the gym at 8pm.  I did, I went to the gym and I got on the Elliptical and I went and I went and I went, all the while watching The Biggest Loser while I worked out.  For 55 minutes I worked my fanny off, and then I headed home, and instead of popping my usual bag of popcorn for a snack, I drank some more water, and had some fruit.  I did  great.

Emotional eating used to get the best of me.  Upset, heck yes, I'll take that quarter pounder with cheese, super size my fries and a diet coke, or that Large bag of Doritos, plus the Fruit and nut chocolate bar.

Today I got the upper hand on Emotional eating and didn't give in to it's lure.  I did it.  I conquered, and although emotional...I didn't eat that way.  I feel good!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

I feel good!

na na na na na na na.  I knew that I would....all right I'm no godfather of soul, but I feel good!  Actually, I feel great!!!!

I had a great weekend off from work.  I had an epiphany on friday when I got to buy much smaller clothes! (Yes, I am still doing the happy dance about that.)  Last night I hosted a dinner party with three guests, I made a fabulous meal, everyone went home satisfied and happy.  I was even asked for the recipe for my home made Ceasar dressing and for my pasta!  I stayed within my points, I actually had points left over!  How about that!

I had a great day today hanging out with my husband, we didn't do much, but we did go and get some books!  YEAH!  I love books, that's another subject for another day though.  I took my mom grocery shopping.  I made 2 new recipes from my newest cookbook purchase (The Best of Chef at Home!  I highly recommend it).   After dinner I was tired, and almost...almost...almost...didn't go to the gym. 

However, the queen of excuses, had no excuse today so off to the gym I went, and I had another fabulous work out and another epiphany!  Actually it was more like two of them!

The first one, as I'm on the elliptical,  my heart rate monitor kept beeping at me, I looked at it wondering what was wrong and it had my heart rate still quite low after about five minutes, so I bumped up the resistance to the next level, waited a few minutes and it was still beeping at me.  I had to bump the Elliptical up to level 5 to get my heart rate into the zone!  WAHOO!!!  For those of you who don't know why I'm so excited about this, it's because I'm healthier and I have to work harder!  YEAH!!! 

The next epiphany came when I was working with my weights and I realized, I can't watch my form properly.  Why you ask?  Because my shirt is literally hanging on me!  It's too big!  When I was doing my wall push up's I glanced in the mirror to make sure that my butt was in the proper position and my shirt looked like a dress.  It was billowing out in front of me when I went up and when I went down! 

I'm literally shrinking right before my eyes....How about that, that is just one more reason to feel good!

Friday, November 6, 2009

The number 5.

The number five has come to  mean alot to me today. 

Yesterday was November 5th and it was Weigh in day.  I went to my weigh in at 530 and this week I lost 1.4 pounds giving me a three week total of 10 pounds lost.

Today I went shopping for a couple of clothing items.  I normally hate clothes shopping as I always get upset by the clothes sizes and I get mad at myself for needing the largest size in the large ladies store.  Today I bought 5 items.  And I'm very, very excited about those five items.  You see, the last time I bought myself some shirts, I had to buy the 5X.   Wow, even typing that was hard, I WAS a 5X, sometimes it was a 6X, if they didn't have any 5's, I'd buy the 6 as a 4 was too small.  I've been working out since December, losing weight slowly but surely, so I decided I would be brave and try out the 4's.  I figured I'd lost some so why not tempt fate and try for the smaller size.  I found a couple of really cute tops for work and carried them back to the change room.

This is when I had my epiphany.  My clothes, and I mean ALL of my clothes...are way to big on me now...hehe.

You see I put on the first size 4X, and it was too big, Pulled it off and checked the tag, yes, it was indeed a 4x.  I put on the next top, it was also too big.  The sales clerk went to get me the 3x, to try that on, and that was too big!  I was really excited and a little apprehensive, was the 2 going to fit, would it be too tight...I waited in anticipation as the sales clerk came back and handed me my shirts over the door.  These were the coveted 2's.  Something that I don't remember ever wearing as an adult, I honestly don't.  But here we go, I pulled the 2 on over my head, put my arms in, turned around, looked in the mirror, and promptly burst into tears.

The sales clerk heard me, and asked concerned if I was all right.  I called through to her that I was, I was just having a moment and could she please do me one more favour.  She said of course,  and I asked her to please get me the 1X.  The 2X was too big!  In tears, I plopped down on the change room chair, grabbed my cell phone and promptly made two phone calls.  The first to my husband.  I'm in a 1 I yelled.  He was exicted for me, thrilled for me even!  Then I called my mom....sometimes a girl just needs to talk to her mom.  My mom was thrilled for me as well, as was the sales clerk who had come back with the precious size 1X in her hands.  She then looked at the new gym pants I had yet to try on and hurried off, she was back in a flash as I was staring at myself once again in the mirror, wearing the amazing 1X shirt.  She had brought back three different sizes of the pants, guessing correctly that I had no idea what size pant I wear now either.  Two sizes down in pants this shopping trip as well. 

I'm feeling great, and riding a high on my clothing expedition when I decide to head to the gym.  I plug in my headphones, jump on the elliptical and work hard, and I do mean hard, I'm huffing and puffing, sweating and steaming along.  When my time was up, an hour had passed and I had gone 5.12 miles. Yes indeed, 5.12 miles, for some people that may not be much, but for me, with these little legs, 5.12 miles is thrilling.

I'm thinking I need to get myself a lottery ticket tomorrow and make sure that there are a lot of 5's in there!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Fifteen things to do when I've lost the weight!

I was having a bad day on Sunday, I was working alone, it was quiet and I was bored.  On my lunch break I posted on the WW message board that I was bored and therefore wanted to munch.  One of the ladies posted back and told me to make a list of ways my life will be better for losing the weight.  Well I made that list and then I made another, and then another and then finally this one.  A list of 15 things that I don't do now because I feel that my weight is holding me back from doing them.

 Things I'l be able to do when I've lost enough weight.
1. Take the dog for a Run.
2. Wear a bathing Suit.
3. Shop in regular clothing stores.
4. Wear a shorter skirt.
5. Go on Amusement Park Rides
6. Go Horseback riding
7. Go Kayaking
8. Sit cross legged
9. Walk up the escalator at work without getting winded..
10. Run the CIBC Run for the Cure instead of walking it.

So here is my challenge.  Make your own list of things to do and mark them off, one by one as you accomplish them so that you can see how well you're doing.

Monday, November 2, 2009

The GYM!!!

The Gym...a place where we go to ritualistically torture ourselves.  We know we should go, we know it will help us get healthy, stay in shape etc.etc.etc.  We resist going as often as possible.  At least I do, I make excuses, oh I'm tired, my knee is sore, my back is sore, I don't have time, you name the excuse, I have probably used it at least once.  Here's the funny thing though, you go dragging your butt, you force yourself onto a machine, and thirty minutes later you are done and feeling great.  Sometime you feel so great that you restart the machine and do another 30 minutes, then another.  You feel great when you are done stretching!  You bob along home feeling great, you feel better, you sleep better, you are reaping the benefits. 

So why is it then, that I hate going so much.  I had to make myself go to the gym last night.  I did not want to go, but seeing as how I skipped Thursday(weigh in night no time, never mind the fact that I'm home from weigh in by 630), I skipped Friday( went for dinner and had to go grocery and pet food shopping, never mind that I was home by 8 and the gym is open until 11!)  I didn't go Saturday (just had to hand out the treats to all of the little kids roaming the streets in their costumes, oh yeah, we shut it down just before 8, again the gym is open until 11!) Didn't I tell you I was the queen of excuses?!?!?!?  I forced myself to go last night, and what did I do?  I did an hour, yes an hour on the elliptical, then I was feeling so good that I moved over to the Stairmaster for 20minutes.  I stretched and I felt great and I reaped the rewards for it!  I felt good and I slept really well.

So tonight I will repeat the whole process, but tonight, lucky me!  I get to work with weights as well.  I get to lie on a ball and do crazy things with my body.  It will be fun, I'll feel good afterwards...but, I'll come up with a few excuses before I make myself go the gym.