Saturday, October 24, 2009

How does this happen?

Have you ever seen someone who appears to be in rough shape and ask yourself, how did they let that happen? It could be the homeless person on the street corner, the drunk stumbling out of the bar, or the fat person squeezing them self into a booth at a restaurant.

How do they let this happen to themselves? I honestly don't have an answer. I mean, personally, I couldn't tell you when I became fat. I don't remember every being "Skinny" to start with. In elementary school I was the fat kid that all the other kids made fun of. In High School, I was the fat kid that no one wanted to hang out with. The funny thing is....I never really saw myself as fat. I just didn't. When I looked into a mirror, I just saw me. Me for who I am. Me for who, I suppose I will always be.

The outer shell never really paid any part on who I was on the inside. Did I like high school? Not on your Nelly. I would never want to go back to that time period in my life. Never, ever, ever. I hated it. I hated it so much that to this day, I don't look back at it with any real fond memories at all. Yes there were things I enjoyed doing. Being in the high school band, the concert festivals, the few friends I had, some of my teachers that I had fun with. But being the "Fat" kid, doesn't mean that you have a lot of fun. did I become the size that I am? I couldn't tell you, the simple reason being. I just don't know. I came to the severe realization of how fat I was several years ago. My mother, sister and I went on a road trip over to Victoria. I had never been and I enjoyed going with them. I had a great weekend. Until I saw the pictures. I saw one picture of my mom and I, and that was when I saw myself. I mean I really and truly saw myself. I didn't recognize the face of the person in the pictures. That was not the face that I saw looking back at me. How heavy was I? I don't know, you see I was too embarrassed to weigh myself. I didn't want to know how much I weighed. I dieted on and off for several weeks before deciding to join Weight Watchers for the first time as an adult. (Oh yes, I've done Weight watchers before, as a teenager, I've done the Jenny Craig, the Fit for life, the Grapefruit diet, the Richard Simmons Deal a meal. I've done it all.) That was really the journey that changed my life.

I joined a gym for the first time ever, I watched what I ate, I wen to the gym. I got a personal trainer. I did it all and it made me a better person. It changed my personality, the way I saw myself and the way I saw others. It gave me the courage to date for the first time. I am very glad for that little item. This is when I met my dear, loving Husband Gary. With his love, and support, I'm back at it again, this time, I will succeed. Why this time? Because I know who I am, I know where I want to be.

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