as defined by the Oxford Dictionary of Current English.
1.fail to fulfil the desire or expectation of, 2. frustrate. adj. disappointed.
I am disappointed. I really and truly am. I went to my weigh in this morning and here's the thing. If I was on the "Biggest Loser", I would have stayed the same, but because I'm on Weight Watchers, and we measure pounds and ounces, I gained 6 ounces.
Now, to be fair, I know, its only six ounces, it could have been water retention, it could have been this, it could have been that. The plain spoken truth is I, yes I made poor choices.
Therefore I am disappointed in myself. I have no one else to blame. There wasn't any one making me order what I ordered at Restaurants this week. It wasn't like there was a gym guru telling me I wasn't allowed in the gym on Tuesday and Wednesday. I made those choices.
Turned out they were bad choices. BUT...I have changed! The old Katie would have used the slight gain today as a reason to splurge. See I can work so hard and not lose anything...blah...blah...blah. The NEW Katie, or I should say the IMPROVED Katie, has said, all right then, you got lax, you didn't follow program and you got what you deserved. NOW get off your duff, get with the program and smarten up.
Thus I have. I have eaten really well today, I went to the gym, albeit for only 40 minutes, but, I did go. I may go again this evening. I'm toying with the idea, we'll have to wait and see how the evening progresses.
So yes, I'm disappointed in myself for not sticking to program and making poor choices. But I'm not disappointed in how I'm handling the slight gain, this weeks gain, means a bigger loss next week. I will persevere.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Sabotage
as defined by the Oxford Dictionary of Current English:
1.Deliberate damage to productive capacity, exp as a political act. 2, destroy, spoil.
I have weigh in tomorrow morning, I've had four really good weeks of losses, I was feeling confidant. Now, I think I may have sabotaged myself. I purposely didn't go to the gym on Tuesday night. I was tired and I decided I could pass on Tuesday, I had gone to the gym every day for a week prior to that. Everyone needs a rest day now and then. However, on Wednesday, I had a hard day at work, wasn't in the mood to cook so suggested to dear Husband that we go out for dinner. We did, we went to Milestones, which I thought would be a good choice. I chose the Mediterranean Chicken. It's a chicken breast served with Goat's cheese and vegetables. Not bad sounding. I got my meal and the chicken was smothered, and I mean SMOTHERED with cheese. I scraped the majority of it off, and ate my chicken breast and veggies, which were chickpeas and I believe it was bok choy. However there was a vinaigrette type sauce on it. Turns out...not such a good choice 680 Calories, 31!!! Grams of fat, and 6 grams of fibre. Now I took off about 15 of those fat grams as I scraped off the cheese and didn't eat it but still! HOLY COW!!! Needless to say, after our late dinner I didn't go to the gym.
Thursday dawned and I went to the gym, great choice, worked out hard for 90 minutes, Elliptical on Hill Plus level 7 for an hour, 30minutes on the stair climber. Thursday I was doing great, eating right, feeling good. Thursday night comes along, I'm bored, I'm home alone. So what do I do? I pop a bag of smart pop popcorn. Not a bad choice, we're still doing all right, until I melted butter and poured it over top. Yep, stop me now right!?!
Friday....I go to get my hair permed, a friend of mine works in a salon in Burnaby, we go for lunch at Red Robin. I look through the menu, I discard the burgers, the wraps and the Clucks and greens. Instead, I again think I make a right choice by selecting their grilled Ciabatta Chicken Sandwich with a side salad, very light pesto, no mayo. Get home this afternoon, look up the points. Yep...not a good choice for me here either. 876 Calories, 54!!!!!!! Grams of fat, and 4 Grams of Fibre. Now, keeping in mind that I took some things off...this was still a BAD choice.
I did go to the gym tonight, worked hard for 45 minutes on the elliptical, 30 minutes of weight training and 15 minutes on the stair climber.
Still I worry about tomorrow and how it is that when I'm doing well, I do end up sabotaging myself.
1.Deliberate damage to productive capacity, exp as a political act. 2, destroy, spoil.
I have weigh in tomorrow morning, I've had four really good weeks of losses, I was feeling confidant. Now, I think I may have sabotaged myself. I purposely didn't go to the gym on Tuesday night. I was tired and I decided I could pass on Tuesday, I had gone to the gym every day for a week prior to that. Everyone needs a rest day now and then. However, on Wednesday, I had a hard day at work, wasn't in the mood to cook so suggested to dear Husband that we go out for dinner. We did, we went to Milestones, which I thought would be a good choice. I chose the Mediterranean Chicken. It's a chicken breast served with Goat's cheese and vegetables. Not bad sounding. I got my meal and the chicken was smothered, and I mean SMOTHERED with cheese. I scraped the majority of it off, and ate my chicken breast and veggies, which were chickpeas and I believe it was bok choy. However there was a vinaigrette type sauce on it. Turns out...not such a good choice 680 Calories, 31!!! Grams of fat, and 6 grams of fibre. Now I took off about 15 of those fat grams as I scraped off the cheese and didn't eat it but still! HOLY COW!!! Needless to say, after our late dinner I didn't go to the gym.
Thursday dawned and I went to the gym, great choice, worked out hard for 90 minutes, Elliptical on Hill Plus level 7 for an hour, 30minutes on the stair climber. Thursday I was doing great, eating right, feeling good. Thursday night comes along, I'm bored, I'm home alone. So what do I do? I pop a bag of smart pop popcorn. Not a bad choice, we're still doing all right, until I melted butter and poured it over top. Yep, stop me now right!?!
Friday....I go to get my hair permed, a friend of mine works in a salon in Burnaby, we go for lunch at Red Robin. I look through the menu, I discard the burgers, the wraps and the Clucks and greens. Instead, I again think I make a right choice by selecting their grilled Ciabatta Chicken Sandwich with a side salad, very light pesto, no mayo. Get home this afternoon, look up the points. Yep...not a good choice for me here either. 876 Calories, 54!!!!!!! Grams of fat, and 4 Grams of Fibre. Now, keeping in mind that I took some things off...this was still a BAD choice.
I did go to the gym tonight, worked hard for 45 minutes on the elliptical, 30 minutes of weight training and 15 minutes on the stair climber.
Still I worry about tomorrow and how it is that when I'm doing well, I do end up sabotaging myself.
Monday, November 23, 2009
The Battle Rages on....
I'm not talking about my battle with weight loss. Today I'm talking about my other passion. My drive to help find a cure for cancer. Those who know me personally know how strongly I feel about this horrid, horrid disease. There is too much of it and I know two beautiful wonderful ladies who are currently in the fight for their lives. They aren't the first I've known, but they are the ones that I'm trying to help now.
You see a few years ago, I didn't think that much about Cancer, nor it's effects. It was something that was removed from me and mine and that was fine. All that changed almost two years ago when a dear friend lost her mother to Cancer. It was the fourth time that year that someone I knew had lost a loved one and that was when I decided that I had to do something. I had to help, no matter what it was, I HAD to help! That was when I got involved in the Weekend to End Breast cancer. To read about that experience go to www.endcancer.ca/goto/katie.syroid There you will find my blog as I worked and trained in preparation for the 60km 2 day walk to end Breast Cancer.
Fast forward 18 months and through the magic of the Internet I met up with one of my old high school friends, I was excited to catch up with her and in turn devastated to know that she had been fighting cancer for the past several years. Her form of cancer is incurable. She takes weekly Chemo treatments to keep the cancer in check, without them she would only have a matter of months to live. Despite that, she is one of the greatest people to be around. She's always happy, cheerful and has nothing but good things to say. I love spending time with her and that's why this year I'm forming a team for the Relay for Life. It's a relay where you and your team walk through the night to raise funds for the Canadian Cancer Society. Our team here in Abbotsford is called Barb's Buccaneer's. Barb is the dear friend who introduced me last year to Relay. It was too late then for me to get a team together and get fundraising done. But this year the call is going out. We need ten team members for the relay Barb is going to be walking with us through the night. I would love to have a great big huge team. So please, think about it. If you're in the Abbotsford BC area, go to www.relayforlife.ca select join a team, and look for Barb's Buccaneer's. We would love to have you!!! As an added bonus, right now, you can register for the Relay for only 10.00!!!! That's less than half the usually registration fee. That's just two coffee's at Starbucks! Think about it, join us, or join a Relay for Life team in your area. You'll feel better doing it!!
You see a few years ago, I didn't think that much about Cancer, nor it's effects. It was something that was removed from me and mine and that was fine. All that changed almost two years ago when a dear friend lost her mother to Cancer. It was the fourth time that year that someone I knew had lost a loved one and that was when I decided that I had to do something. I had to help, no matter what it was, I HAD to help! That was when I got involved in the Weekend to End Breast cancer. To read about that experience go to www.endcancer.ca/goto/katie.syroid There you will find my blog as I worked and trained in preparation for the 60km 2 day walk to end Breast Cancer.
Fast forward 18 months and through the magic of the Internet I met up with one of my old high school friends, I was excited to catch up with her and in turn devastated to know that she had been fighting cancer for the past several years. Her form of cancer is incurable. She takes weekly Chemo treatments to keep the cancer in check, without them she would only have a matter of months to live. Despite that, she is one of the greatest people to be around. She's always happy, cheerful and has nothing but good things to say. I love spending time with her and that's why this year I'm forming a team for the Relay for Life. It's a relay where you and your team walk through the night to raise funds for the Canadian Cancer Society. Our team here in Abbotsford is called Barb's Buccaneer's. Barb is the dear friend who introduced me last year to Relay. It was too late then for me to get a team together and get fundraising done. But this year the call is going out. We need ten team members for the relay Barb is going to be walking with us through the night. I would love to have a great big huge team. So please, think about it. If you're in the Abbotsford BC area, go to www.relayforlife.ca select join a team, and look for Barb's Buccaneer's. We would love to have you!!! As an added bonus, right now, you can register for the Relay for only 10.00!!!! That's less than half the usually registration fee. That's just two coffee's at Starbucks! Think about it, join us, or join a Relay for Life team in your area. You'll feel better doing it!!
Button up Pants!
I can now wear Button and Zipper pants without any elastic!!! How flipping cool is that. I have only worn pull on pants for as long as I can remember. I think I may have been in my early twenties the last time I wore jeans, but holy smokes I'm wearing a pair of Black pants that have no elastic, no spandex material, but an honest to goodness button and zipper closure. I was so excited about this when I tried them on Saturday! I bought them ages ago (2005ish?) and there they hung in my closet unworn as they were way too tight and they just looked dreadful, or so I thought. I work my new pants out with my friends on saturday and then I wore them yesterday afternoon when my husband and I went to see Blind Side. (An excellent movie by the way, I would highly recommend it!)
It is just so amazing that little things can make me this happy!
I guess I now have to buy a new skinny skirt and new zip up pants!
It is just so amazing that little things can make me this happy!
I guess I now have to buy a new skinny skirt and new zip up pants!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Successful Day!
Yes, I had a successful day yesterday. Started out with a great weigh in, got all the chores done and then it was "Girl" time. I went to the Christmas Craft Fair with two friends, we walked around the exhibits twice, bought some things, we had a lot of fun. I was very proud of myself for what I didn't buy. I didn't purchase the Fudge, the Jams, the Jellies, the Candies, the Chocolates. None of it. I didn't even sample any of it at all! I was so pleased, in the past I probably would have purchased and sampled my way around and this time I didn't. YEAH! I was very happy with that. Then it was back to our house for dinner. When we got back to the house we were all straving, dinner would be a while as I had to soak the basmati rice. Instead of going for chips etc. I cut up veggies for us and we had a great veggie platter to eat as an appetizer. Dinner was Fajita's with spanish rice, followed by Jello Nonfat Butterscotch pudding. This was followed a while later with some popcorn for watching during the movie.
I had been worried that the day would be a bit of a challege ,but I made it through with flying colors. I had acocunted for my points yesterday morning, carefully planning what I would have and how many points I could use for each meal. I was worried that I would overindulge and go over my points, but I did really well. I even counted the couple of nibbles of cheese I had while I was shredding the cheese up for the fajitas.
It was a sucessful day, and now I know, that I can have my girls nights without having to worry so much about losing control. Now I just have to plan the next one!
I had been worried that the day would be a bit of a challege ,but I made it through with flying colors. I had acocunted for my points yesterday morning, carefully planning what I would have and how many points I could use for each meal. I was worried that I would overindulge and go over my points, but I did really well. I even counted the couple of nibbles of cheese I had while I was shredding the cheese up for the fajitas.
It was a sucessful day, and now I know, that I can have my girls nights without having to worry so much about losing control. Now I just have to plan the next one!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Weigh in day.
Good Saturday morning! It was weigh in morning this morning. There's something about weighing in on a Saturday morning at 8am that just starts your day off right. I think it's because I lost another 2.4 pounds for a total loss in five weeks of 15.4pounds!
~~~~~~~~Happy Dance, Happy Dance, Happy Dance~~~~~~~
It just totally made my morning, from weigh in I went and did my saturday errands which included Safeway, Mad Butcher, Costco and Petsmart. When I got home, instead of trying to haul all of the bags up the stairs at once as I usually do, I took one bag at a time. One bag and I ran up and down the stairs, easier than it sounds but when you have a cat and dog who want to get in on the action it makes it a little interesting. However, ten trips later dodging the cat and running around the dog, I had all the bags of groceries upstairs.
It's amazing how much easier things become. When we first moved into the house two years ago, I would never have considered running up and down the stairs once, let alone ten times! It makes you feel good when you start to do things you never could have done!
~~~~~~~~Happy Dance, Happy Dance, Happy Dance~~~~~~~
It just totally made my morning, from weigh in I went and did my saturday errands which included Safeway, Mad Butcher, Costco and Petsmart. When I got home, instead of trying to haul all of the bags up the stairs at once as I usually do, I took one bag at a time. One bag and I ran up and down the stairs, easier than it sounds but when you have a cat and dog who want to get in on the action it makes it a little interesting. However, ten trips later dodging the cat and running around the dog, I had all the bags of groceries upstairs.
It's amazing how much easier things become. When we first moved into the house two years ago, I would never have considered running up and down the stairs once, let alone ten times! It makes you feel good when you start to do things you never could have done!
Friday, November 20, 2009
Great Day!
I had a great day! I worked the late shift at work today, which means I worked from 1-9pm. This morning was fabulous. I took the dog for a walk and then headed to the gym. 30minutes on the Elliptical, Level 6(I do the hill climb so it starts at six and goes as high as 17) It was awesome. Then I did my weights. The full meal deal, squats, lunges, triceps, lat pull downs, staight arm pull downs, bosu curl ups, hammer pivots, cross arm lifts, plank, superman, cross knee crunches, ball crunches, sliders, Pec fly crunch, all of them three times, then I did 30minutes on the stair climber, started today on level 6 for about 15 minutes and then boosted it up to level 8. When I was done ten minutes shy of 2 hours in the gym, I hustled home and got ready for work. My work day went awesome. Not only did I make a nice big sale but I didn't get hungry. Not at all. Usually on a night shift I'll start to get nibbly, but that wasn't the case tonight, mind you, I did drink 4 16oz bottles of water during work today, so that may help.
Tomorrow is my weigh in day. I'm looking forward to it and I'm hoping for a really good number this week. I went to the gym 6 out of 7 days. Not too bad if I may say so myself.
Tomorrow is my weigh in day. I'm looking forward to it and I'm hoping for a really good number this week. I went to the gym 6 out of 7 days. Not too bad if I may say so myself.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
I Did it!
I went to the gym this morning at 6am. I must be crazy! I had planned last night that if I was up I would TRY to go to the gym. When I first woke up, I thought, no, I don't want to. Mind you when I first woke up it was before 530am, after the dog jumped on the bed and cuddled for a few minutes he needed out, so up I got and took him out the back for his morning business. I came back in and was about to climb back into bed when I decided, what's the point? I'm not going to go back to sleep, my husband has to get up in a few minutes and that means I'll spend the next two and a half hours sitting on the couch before I have to go to work.
Instead I got washed, dressed, kissed my husband good bye and headed to the gym. I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to do when I got there but I figured it would come to me. Well, it turns out at my gym, the ladies only section is much busier in the mornings then it is in the afternoons. Besides two treadmills, the only other cardio machine available was the Stair Stepper machine. Now I didn't feel like walking, I don't really enjoy walking on the treadmill, not sure why I don't but that's the way it is. Instead, I stood at the stair climber, psyched myself up, climed on and started climbing. I did great!!! I set it up for 45 minutes at level 3 to start, moved it up to level 4, then level 5 and by the time I was done I was at level 6. Level 6!!! for 45 minutes!!! The first time I climbed onto that little machine about 9 months ago, I couldn't even do 5 minutes on level 1. Look at me go!!!
Instead I got washed, dressed, kissed my husband good bye and headed to the gym. I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to do when I got there but I figured it would come to me. Well, it turns out at my gym, the ladies only section is much busier in the mornings then it is in the afternoons. Besides two treadmills, the only other cardio machine available was the Stair Stepper machine. Now I didn't feel like walking, I don't really enjoy walking on the treadmill, not sure why I don't but that's the way it is. Instead, I stood at the stair climber, psyched myself up, climed on and started climbing. I did great!!! I set it up for 45 minutes at level 3 to start, moved it up to level 4, then level 5 and by the time I was done I was at level 6. Level 6!!! for 45 minutes!!! The first time I climbed onto that little machine about 9 months ago, I couldn't even do 5 minutes on level 1. Look at me go!!!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
On the Road again...
..well not literally, but I was back at the gym today. My husband and I headed up after dinner to put in a cardio work out. 45minutes on the Elliptical today for a total of 3.4 miles. YAHOO!
I get so excited when I see the mileage creeping up on the machines that I'm on. It give me such a sense of accomplishment. I guess it's because when I take the dog for a walk, it's not just full steam ahead. I have to go his pace, let him do his doggy business, say hi to the other dogs, sniff around etc, that a 1km walk will take 15 minutes or so.
Today I did pretty good. I went knowing that I was just going to be doing cardio today, my hands are still too sore to be of much use so doing weights today was out. I'm hoping that my medication will have kicked back in by tomorrow and I'll be able to do weights and my version of a 'Last Chance Workout' on friday before Saturday mornings' weigh in.
I feel good having gone to the gym, I also have points left over for the day as well, so instead of popping popcorn once again, I stopped by starbucks on my way home and used my points there on a tall 1/4 sweet, non fat, no whip, peppermint white chocolate mocha. It was very yummy and used up 5 points.
I won't be going to the gym tomorrow as I'm doing a girls night with my sister, my mom and some mutual friends, we're going for dinner and then to see a theatre production of Pride and Prejudice. I'm quite excited about it and I already have my day and my meals planned out for tomorrow. It's going to be a great day!
I get so excited when I see the mileage creeping up on the machines that I'm on. It give me such a sense of accomplishment. I guess it's because when I take the dog for a walk, it's not just full steam ahead. I have to go his pace, let him do his doggy business, say hi to the other dogs, sniff around etc, that a 1km walk will take 15 minutes or so.
Today I did pretty good. I went knowing that I was just going to be doing cardio today, my hands are still too sore to be of much use so doing weights today was out. I'm hoping that my medication will have kicked back in by tomorrow and I'll be able to do weights and my version of a 'Last Chance Workout' on friday before Saturday mornings' weigh in.
I feel good having gone to the gym, I also have points left over for the day as well, so instead of popping popcorn once again, I stopped by starbucks on my way home and used my points there on a tall 1/4 sweet, non fat, no whip, peppermint white chocolate mocha. It was very yummy and used up 5 points.
I won't be going to the gym tomorrow as I'm doing a girls night with my sister, my mom and some mutual friends, we're going for dinner and then to see a theatre production of Pride and Prejudice. I'm quite excited about it and I already have my day and my meals planned out for tomorrow. It's going to be a great day!
Guilty
as defined by the Oxford Dictionary of Current English, 3, causing a feeling of guilt, 4 having commit ed a specific offense.
I was feeling guilty tonight. I haven't done anything wrong, but I didn't go to the gym. I probably should have, I most certainly could have but I didn't. I did NOT go to the gym. I didn't go intentionally. I was sore, and tired, and I chose not to go to the gym. Instead one of my friends came over talk and to watch the Biggest Loser with me. I thoroughly enjoyed having her over, I enjoyed watching the show with someone who enjoys the show. We laughed, we talked, we had a good time. The whole time though there was this little voice in the back of my mind saying,'you should be at the gym', 'you didn't go to the gym.','why aren't you at the gym'.
I was feeling guilty, simply because I made a decision not to go to the gym. I fully realize that I have nothing to feel guilty about. I've gone to the gym at least 6 times in the past week. I know that I don't have to go to the gym every single day of the week. I know that it is perfectly fine not to go to the gym all the time.
It's funny how when we're losing weight that we do this to ourselves. You skip going the gym once and you feel bad. You eat something that you really shouldn't and you feel bad about it and then we punish ourselves. We let the guilt for having done or not having done something take over, and we make ourselves feel bad, sometimes we punish ourselves for it.
Tonight is different though, in the grand scheme of things, yes I didn't go to the gym, I feel bad about it. It's not that big of a deal though. I'll go tomorrow and I'll enjoy it, or at least I'll tell myself I'm enjoying it.
I was feeling guilty tonight. I haven't done anything wrong, but I didn't go to the gym. I probably should have, I most certainly could have but I didn't. I did NOT go to the gym. I didn't go intentionally. I was sore, and tired, and I chose not to go to the gym. Instead one of my friends came over talk and to watch the Biggest Loser with me. I thoroughly enjoyed having her over, I enjoyed watching the show with someone who enjoys the show. We laughed, we talked, we had a good time. The whole time though there was this little voice in the back of my mind saying,'you should be at the gym', 'you didn't go to the gym.','why aren't you at the gym'.
I was feeling guilty, simply because I made a decision not to go to the gym. I fully realize that I have nothing to feel guilty about. I've gone to the gym at least 6 times in the past week. I know that I don't have to go to the gym every single day of the week. I know that it is perfectly fine not to go to the gym all the time.
It's funny how when we're losing weight that we do this to ourselves. You skip going the gym once and you feel bad. You eat something that you really shouldn't and you feel bad about it and then we punish ourselves. We let the guilt for having done or not having done something take over, and we make ourselves feel bad, sometimes we punish ourselves for it.
Tonight is different though, in the grand scheme of things, yes I didn't go to the gym, I feel bad about it. It's not that big of a deal though. I'll go tomorrow and I'll enjoy it, or at least I'll tell myself I'm enjoying it.
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