Why oh why?

Do I do this to myself? I do it and I instantly regret it and then I do it again!!!!

Let me start at the beginning here....I went to weigh in today. I didn't lose, I didn't gain, I maintained this week. I'm very happy with that considering I didn't go to the gym at all this past week. Physically I just couldn't do it. I'm still fighting whatever this stomach thing is. According to my doctor(who I saw on Thursday) I had e-coli. We have no idea where I got it from, where I picked it up from. But there you had it.

You would think that after being nauseated several times a day, fighting to keep your food in your stomach by having to take slow deep breaths, now that I'm feeling better I would eat proper. I didn't have to fight not to throw up this morning, and the back door trotts seem to have ended so you would think I would eat properly! You would think so wouldn't you?

Not today. Today was not a good food day for me. I don't like admiting it, but that's all part of being accountable here. So here is my being accountable today for my food.

I didn't eat breakfast before weigh in. I never do, came home, saw the accountant to do our taxes up. Went to Buckerfields to get the 1/2 wine barrels for the garden they had on sale. Came home, putzed around and then decided to go up to Zellers to get some soil and peat moss to fill said barrel up. I get in the car and head out and what do I do? What do I do? I go to MCDONALDS!!!!! I was in the drive thru, ordering the sausage and egg mcmuffin and a hashbrown before I even realized what the heck I was doing. I ate it on the way to Zellers and threw the garbage out there. I can't believe I did it!

After realizing what I had done, you would think I would get control of myself and do good the rest of the day. Did I? Heck NO!!! In my little mind, I've screwed up majorly so why not keep at it? So after getting all the planting done for the day,I headed out to the grocery store this afternoon, finding myself hungry what did I do? I went to BURGER KING!!!! I HATE Burger King! I don't know what the heck I was I doing. I ordered the Junior whopper with cheese and an onion rings. Ate that in the car and threw the garbage out at the grocery store. No evidence I did it so no proof right?

What the heck!!! At this point, most reasonable people would get their crap together, give their head a shake and get over it. Did I? What do you think? OF COURSE NOT!!!! After dinner, around eight or so, my husband wanted to go for a treat so we go to Afterthoughts. A wonderful desert restaurant. I didn't really want anything, so why did I order something? What did I order you ask? I ordered their Mint Chocolate Chip Cake! Four layers of chocolate cake filled with mint cream icing between the layers finished off with extra whip cream!!!

I came home, I ate some of it, put it down, a half hour later, ate some more, put it down and now I've finished off the darned cake I didn't want and didn't need.

Why oh why do I do this to myself? I'm now sitting here, angry at myself, nauseated and bloated feeling like crap. ARRRGGGHHH!!!